Living in a Disabled World

I am feeling a little better today and certainly more with it. My body is starting to hurt as well so that is probably a good sign, means all the blood is flowing where it should do again.

Went to bed Sunday evening with low back ache and crampy stomach pains and there was the tiniest bit of fresh blood so I knew things were on the move and thought “good I can get through this, the end is in sight now”. Woke at 0330 on Monday morning and started bleeding much like a heavy period. Felt ok so made a coffee and pottered around. I posted on my blog to say goodbye to Rosie as I knew she would be on her way soon and it would be goodbye forever. Things went on like this until about 10am when the bleeding got heavier and the cramps got worse. So I thought it will all be over very soon and I can start to get on with life.

At about midday I started to feel really light headed and by now was in quite a lot of pain. Running back and forth to the loo all the time thinking it will stop soon and I will start to feel better. At about 3pm I collapsed on the bathroom floor. I don’t know how long I was there and I couldn’t get anyone as I couldn’t move or speak because I felt too ill. After a length of time I managed to bang the bathroom door and K came up. He got angry because I couldn’t stand up I managed to crawl and drag myself back to bed. O was stood on the stairs and I was more worried that he would see me like that than what was happening to me. I couldn’t understand why K was shouting at me and getting angry I could physically move it was horrible. After a bit laying in bed I started to feel a better. I had to make a few more trips to the bathroom and felt very light headed every time, had to keep my head down if I stood up straight I felt I would pass out. I felt sick, dizzy and confused. My neck and shoulders were aching as I couldn’t hold my head up properly it hurt too much. All of this was going on in my head I couldn’t tell K how I felt I didn’t have words or I couldn’t understand. I thought things would be ok in a minute.

8pm K called the out of hours doctor by now I was starting to find it difficult to sit up in bed and couldn’t get out of bed. I couldn’t breath properly and felt so ill, I couldn’t hear properly as there was a rushing noise in my ears. All I knew is I wanted to stay at home I didn’t want to go anywhere. I didn’t want to be told I was overreacting or being silly.

The out of hours doctor came out and took my bp 70/50, he rang an ambulance. The ambulance crew were lovely I still felt everyone was making a fuss even though I was too ill by now to argue. The ambulance crew asked why we hadn’t called an ambulance earlier and I said I didn’t want to make a fuss I was just miscarrying. He told me I wasn’t just miscarrying I was bleeding to death.

I was in A&E until 3am whilst they tried to get my bp up a bit, 5 ltrs of fluid later and a lot of morphine I was still having contractions and fairly sure I hadn’t passed the baby. They gave me some tablets to help things along but they didn’t do a lot. They took me to theatre at 8am and I hadn’t passed the baby I was just bleeding out. I had to have a blood transfusion as my hb was 5 it should be between 11 and 13 in a woman.

Due to my muscles being starved of oxygen due to the blood loss I now ache from head to toe. I have huge bruises from where they were taking blood and shoving needles in me. All feels a little surreal. They say it’s going to take me a while to feel better.

So I guess it’s not normal to bleed so much and I wasn’t just making a fuss last time either. The treatment I had this time was so different. People were so lovely to me and supportive. Although I did have to go to hospital on my own I didn’t feel alone. A good friend was on duty in A&E and she looked after me. A few nurses on the ward remembered me from before it is about my 4th visit there with mc or uc. An old friend who is the Matron on surgical team came to see me too.

So it’s all over now. On the road to recovery slowly but surely. And less than a week until we get the keys to our new house. I hope a fairy comes and packs I have no idea how we are going to be ready in time for the 19th….