Well where will 2009 take me? If I have learnt anything in the last 3 years what ever I write here at the beginning of 2009 it probably won’t be the reality when the 1st Jan 2010 comes around. But there are things I would like to acomplish in 2009.
Firstly find a house where K and O and I can settle down and be happy. Bridgwater is the longest I have lived anywhere and ironically one of the places I have least liked. That isn’t to say there aren’t nice areas in Bridgwater but the house we live in and the area I have never felt to be home. Partly because we have been going to move for the last 3 years. To start of with our landlord divorced his wife and gave her the houses but during that 18 months we didn’t know if we would have to move out or not. So I guess I have felt very unsettled and detached from the house itself in that time. The house suffers badly from damp, it needs cavity wall insulation but the landlady won’t sort it out. We get black on the walls in all the bedrooms from condensation and I hate it, makes me feel like the house is dirty even though I clean it all the time it comes straight back. The only way to help is to open windows but it has been so cold the last few weeks and we don’t have any heating upstairs either which doesn’t help. The house needs a lot doing to it but we don’t want to spend money on it when we are saving to buy our own property. So that is goal number 1 find a house in an area we like and make it our home.
Secondly keep trying for another baby. I know that this might bring even more heartache and it certainly causes stress and anxiety but it’s still something I need to do.
Thirdly try and lose some weight. I need to lose about 1 and 1/2 stone. This is the heaviest I have ever been partly due to having been pregnant so many times in the last 2 years, I pile on weight each time but don’t lose it afterwards. So some weight loss would be good, I know I am not huge by any stretch of the imagination at a size 14 but would like to be slimmer especially around my waste.
As I sat reflecting last night and trying not to think of the bad things but the better things of 2008 I did realise that I am where I want to be. Yes there are lots of things that aren’t perfect. Like not having close family but I am with the 2 people that I care most about in the world. It would be lovely to have H and F closer and in time maybe that will happen. But K and O are my world and I love them both dearly. My job is ok it drives me potty sometimes but every job can do that. I know that moving doesn’t change your problems you are still the person you are regardless of where you live, you still make the same mistakes and have the same good and bad things happen to you regardless of where you live. Who knows what 2009 might bring but hopefully what ever it is I will survive it and live through it and cope.
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